I met “gay bar guy” online. He had an interesting picture with all of these snakes coiled up. We chatted very briefly through emails and decided to meet. It was a Saturday night and the place was full of couples and groups of people when I walked in. I ordered a drink and snagged a booth that had just opened up. In came “gay bar guy” he looked around for a bit before approaching me and asking if I was Jenny. I smiled and said hello. He grabbed a drink and came back to the booth. Our conversation was light and easy flowing. He told me about growing up in North Park and that many of his friends were gay. After a couple of drinks he asked me if I wanted to go over to a bar where h is friend was working. I said sure. He then gave me the disclaimer that his friend was gay and worked at a gay bar.
Always up for an adventure I said yes. The next thing I know I’m in a place called “Flame” it was very exciting, strange, and steamy. Yes, STEAMY. Instead of a fog machine it made steam. So the entire club was steamy. LOL. I’m still laughing about it. His friend the bartender was nice; he made us some drinks and “gay bar guy” and I wondered through the club. There were two bars and I believe three rooms. We first settled into a dark red room for some more conversation. This to me felt like any other bar minus the steam.
For the next round of drinks we headed into the main dancing room. This room was filled with stripper poles, couches, and round beds. We settled on a round bed that was on a pedestal and had a glass wall that let us see into the bar and vice versa. Here is where “gay bar guy” lost my attention. I had never seen so many men; good looking men, dancing. Giving each other lap dances. Kissing. It was all so intriguing to me I couldn’t help, but gawk. The energy in the room was so sexual. Maybe it was the steam. All in all it was a wonderland of site. I’d definitely go back, but not on a date. . .
This is definitely one of those experiences where I look around and think this is not a place I ever thought I’d end up tonight. Chalk one up for “gay bar guy” coming up with a twist on the tried and true drink date.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
What?! He's MARRIED!
What!? He’s MARRIED
Background:
“Delivery Boy” was this cute delivery guy that went through out the land of Portland delivering stuff to places of business like the place I worked. I saw him a few times a week when he came in to make deliveries. I always thought he was cute. Me along with the girls I worked with would talk about “Delivery Boy”.
The day after Christmas I’m working in the office alone and in walks “Delivery Boy”. Today there was a different vibe between us. We chatted more than usual and smiled a little more at one another. He left, but a few minutes later he called the office and asked me to a play that he’d just won tickets to. I agree and we meet for drinks.
When I show up for drinks two days later I have chopped my mid back length hair super short and it now looks like a koosh ball. Of course then I didn’t think it looked that way. I thought I was hip and funky. He smiles and compliments me on my transformation. We order drinks and quickly in the conversation he reveals that he has a daughter. Insert uncontrollable face movement now! I say oh! How old? I make conversation and he shows me a picture and we smoothly change the subject.
We go to the play. We go out for dinner a couple times. Watch a movie at his place and then he comes in and has lunch with me at work one day. After “Delivery Boy” leaves one of the maintenance guys comes in and says what was “Delivery Boy” in here complaining about. I say oh nothing he was just having lunch with me. Maintenance guy looks at me in disbelief as though he can’t believe what I’ve done. He then says isn’t he married? WHAT! No he’s not married I shout back. Maintenance guy says uh yah. He came in last May telling me he went to Hawaii and got married.
My mind is flying as I am dialing his cell phone. WHAT?! He CAN’T be married. I made out with him in his apartment. There were no remnants of a woman there. Just a huge screen TV and a couch.
He answers. Now imagine the most unfriendly tone. “Uh Hi. Is there anything you want to tell me?”
No, like what?” “I don’t know that YOU’RE MARRIED!!!!!!”
Long story short. It had been annulled. Mission kick “married delivery boy’s” ass averted.
Background:
“Delivery Boy” was this cute delivery guy that went through out the land of Portland delivering stuff to places of business like the place I worked. I saw him a few times a week when he came in to make deliveries. I always thought he was cute. Me along with the girls I worked with would talk about “Delivery Boy”.
The day after Christmas I’m working in the office alone and in walks “Delivery Boy”. Today there was a different vibe between us. We chatted more than usual and smiled a little more at one another. He left, but a few minutes later he called the office and asked me to a play that he’d just won tickets to. I agree and we meet for drinks.
When I show up for drinks two days later I have chopped my mid back length hair super short and it now looks like a koosh ball. Of course then I didn’t think it looked that way. I thought I was hip and funky. He smiles and compliments me on my transformation. We order drinks and quickly in the conversation he reveals that he has a daughter. Insert uncontrollable face movement now! I say oh! How old? I make conversation and he shows me a picture and we smoothly change the subject.
We go to the play. We go out for dinner a couple times. Watch a movie at his place and then he comes in and has lunch with me at work one day. After “Delivery Boy” leaves one of the maintenance guys comes in and says what was “Delivery Boy” in here complaining about. I say oh nothing he was just having lunch with me. Maintenance guy looks at me in disbelief as though he can’t believe what I’ve done. He then says isn’t he married? WHAT! No he’s not married I shout back. Maintenance guy says uh yah. He came in last May telling me he went to Hawaii and got married.
My mind is flying as I am dialing his cell phone. WHAT?! He CAN’T be married. I made out with him in his apartment. There were no remnants of a woman there. Just a huge screen TV and a couch.
He answers. Now imagine the most unfriendly tone. “Uh Hi. Is there anything you want to tell me?”
No, like what?” “I don’t know that YOU’RE MARRIED!!!!!!”
Long story short. It had been annulled. Mission kick “married delivery boy’s” ass averted.
Why I'm destined to be an old maid.
So a week or so ago I’m flipping through the weekly reader and come across a dating company’s ad. It has all of these statistics listed about a woman alone in a bar. The one that catches my eye is the one that says 50 to 1 she’s single. This startles me, and I think, this can’t be right. I read it over and over thinking I must be misunderstanding it. If anything, in the news I’ve been seeing stuff about marriage being on the decline. So I go home later and I google, "How many women are single in America." I come across the U.S. Consensus bureau website and find that 31% of women between the ages of 16 to 34 are single. "Single" including couples that live together, married couples that live apart, widows, and lesbians. So based on this I guess I really am the rare woman out of 50. Who knew?
Later in the week I read something about tallconnections.com and later decide to google how many men are over 6’ in America. Turns out only 16% of men are over 6’ tall. Great! I’m just narrowing down my odds as I go here.
Just as I’m damning myself for having a pension for the 6’ and above crowd I come across the female mind in the bookstore. I sit down to explore the book and find good news. Apparently, who I am attracted to has nothing to do with my personal choices, but was decided by my ancestors long ago. The books theory is that ancestors were preoccupied with reproduction and were looking for the most worthy of providing food and shelter. So when my body has a chemical reaction to a guy it’s because it’s who my great (x20) grandmother picked out for me. The book goes on to tell you what men and women typically look for in each other. Women want a man that is at least 4" taller than her (In my case 7" or more) 3.5 years older, and able to provide for her. The book does point out the fact that women today are becoming increasingly more financially independent, but now a woman wants a man to bring as much to the table as she does. Men on the other hand are attracted simply based on looks.
I know your rolling your eyes and thinking men are pigs. Contrary to some peoples beliefs I’m not a man hater.
Anyways… men are attracted to women who are 2.5" shorter than them, have hourglass figures, clear skin, bright eyes, plump lips and shiny hair. These are signs that a woman is healthy and not pregnant which means that she is an optimal choice for breeding.
Women aren’t gold diggers and men aren’t pigs.
Women became choosy because they needed to choose wisely the man whose baby they were going to lug around for 9 months and beyond. She needed to be sure that after 10 minutes or 3 months he wasn’t going to walk out of her life. She needed to be sure that he was going to be a resource for food, shelter, and water for her and the new baby. Men on the other hand just want to reproduce as much as possible and therefore are looking for any attractive womb. An hourglass figure means she doesn’t have someone else’s bun in the oven and the other signs show that she’s healthy.
So what’s my point with this? It isn’t that it’s not my fault that I’m so picky or not attracted to anyone. Although my proof is above if you need to read it again. My point is that men for the most (yes, let’s be p.c.) part marry because they want to have a family. I am coming to terms with the fact that having children for me due to health reasons may not be the wisest choice.
So what is that, 3 strikes already? 1. Most people aren’t truly single, 2. Only 16% of the male population is over 6’, 3. I’m not prime womb real estate. As the days progress I just keeping finding more and more reasons why I’m single. I’m not even looking for these things, I swear.
I’m checking my email later and I receive email from True.com. I go online to browse at who is available. I’ve been on dating strike, but go on just to prove to myself that I’m not really missing anyone. So I go through the rig-a-ma-roe to see who is out there. Put in my zip there are over 1 billion people in your area it says. Each time I narrow down the search results get smaller and smaller. I put in the regular criteria for myself, over 6’, no kids, makes the same income or more, lives within reasonable distance. Before I entered income I was down to 844. Since I make more than the average median income for my area I doubt my final odds looked very good.
Oh well, what can I say...
Later in the week I read something about tallconnections.com and later decide to google how many men are over 6’ in America. Turns out only 16% of men are over 6’ tall. Great! I’m just narrowing down my odds as I go here.
Just as I’m damning myself for having a pension for the 6’ and above crowd I come across the female mind in the bookstore. I sit down to explore the book and find good news. Apparently, who I am attracted to has nothing to do with my personal choices, but was decided by my ancestors long ago. The books theory is that ancestors were preoccupied with reproduction and were looking for the most worthy of providing food and shelter. So when my body has a chemical reaction to a guy it’s because it’s who my great (x20) grandmother picked out for me. The book goes on to tell you what men and women typically look for in each other. Women want a man that is at least 4" taller than her (In my case 7" or more) 3.5 years older, and able to provide for her. The book does point out the fact that women today are becoming increasingly more financially independent, but now a woman wants a man to bring as much to the table as she does. Men on the other hand are attracted simply based on looks.
I know your rolling your eyes and thinking men are pigs. Contrary to some peoples beliefs I’m not a man hater.
Anyways… men are attracted to women who are 2.5" shorter than them, have hourglass figures, clear skin, bright eyes, plump lips and shiny hair. These are signs that a woman is healthy and not pregnant which means that she is an optimal choice for breeding.
Women aren’t gold diggers and men aren’t pigs.
Women became choosy because they needed to choose wisely the man whose baby they were going to lug around for 9 months and beyond. She needed to be sure that after 10 minutes or 3 months he wasn’t going to walk out of her life. She needed to be sure that he was going to be a resource for food, shelter, and water for her and the new baby. Men on the other hand just want to reproduce as much as possible and therefore are looking for any attractive womb. An hourglass figure means she doesn’t have someone else’s bun in the oven and the other signs show that she’s healthy.
So what’s my point with this? It isn’t that it’s not my fault that I’m so picky or not attracted to anyone. Although my proof is above if you need to read it again. My point is that men for the most (yes, let’s be p.c.) part marry because they want to have a family. I am coming to terms with the fact that having children for me due to health reasons may not be the wisest choice.
So what is that, 3 strikes already? 1. Most people aren’t truly single, 2. Only 16% of the male population is over 6’, 3. I’m not prime womb real estate. As the days progress I just keeping finding more and more reasons why I’m single. I’m not even looking for these things, I swear.
I’m checking my email later and I receive email from True.com. I go online to browse at who is available. I’ve been on dating strike, but go on just to prove to myself that I’m not really missing anyone. So I go through the rig-a-ma-roe to see who is out there. Put in my zip there are over 1 billion people in your area it says. Each time I narrow down the search results get smaller and smaller. I put in the regular criteria for myself, over 6’, no kids, makes the same income or more, lives within reasonable distance. Before I entered income I was down to 844. Since I make more than the average median income for my area I doubt my final odds looked very good.
Oh well, what can I say...
Me and Boyfriend Stevie TV
Me and my boyfriend Stevie TV.
Current mood: loved
Why I love Stevie TV. . . . . . .
I don't have to primp for him. He loves the way I look no matter what.
I don't have to clean house to appease him. (Yes, we're living together)
He doesn't care if I haven't shaved.
I always know we'll have a good time. (He can go for hours)
I can turn him on and off whenever I want.
He never tries to hold my hand.
He doesn't mind if I see other men.
He doesn't get pissed if I make plans that don't include him.
He doesn't freak out if I don't see or call him for a few days.
There is never an obligatory phone call.
He expects nothing from me.
Oh! I think I'm falling in love.
Current mood: loved
Why I love Stevie TV. . . . . . .
I don't have to primp for him. He loves the way I look no matter what.
I don't have to clean house to appease him. (Yes, we're living together)
He doesn't care if I haven't shaved.
I always know we'll have a good time. (He can go for hours)
I can turn him on and off whenever I want.
He never tries to hold my hand.
He doesn't mind if I see other men.
He doesn't get pissed if I make plans that don't include him.
He doesn't freak out if I don't see or call him for a few days.
There is never an obligatory phone call.
He expects nothing from me.
Oh! I think I'm falling in love.
To the (man dancing?) behind me
To the (man dancing?) behind me
I am one of those high maintenance women that requires eye contact and conversation before you come up and try to wear a hole in the back of my dress with your pelvis region. Seriously, when did simulating the bedroom mambo become an acceptable form of dance? With strangers?
I guess I am partly to blame; I mean I did get dressed up and go out to the club with my girlfriends to go dancing. Clearly we were way over dressed. The three of us were actually wearing clothes that covered our bathing suit areas Even when we bent over.
I remember back in the day, 2002, when men used to come up say hello, talk to me, and then ask me to dance. It was so respectful back then. Oh well… I guess that day has come and gone. I guess this is just another reason I'm going to spend my days as an old maid….
I am one of those high maintenance women that requires eye contact and conversation before you come up and try to wear a hole in the back of my dress with your pelvis region. Seriously, when did simulating the bedroom mambo become an acceptable form of dance? With strangers?
I guess I am partly to blame; I mean I did get dressed up and go out to the club with my girlfriends to go dancing. Clearly we were way over dressed. The three of us were actually wearing clothes that covered our bathing suit areas Even when we bent over.
I remember back in the day, 2002, when men used to come up say hello, talk to me, and then ask me to dance. It was so respectful back then. Oh well… I guess that day has come and gone. I guess this is just another reason I'm going to spend my days as an old maid….
Recent encounters with the opposite sex
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
Recently I experienced something both equally disgusting and hilarious at the same time that I felt the need to share. . .
Imagine if you will; I'm walking down the street back to my apartment after finishing a kickboxing class at the gym. I am literally soaked with sweat and bright pink from my work out. It's around 7:30 in the morning and I am crossing the street. I look up and see a man in his truck checking me out, as I notice this he opens his mouth and jirates his tongue at me. I was horrified, disgusted, and could not stop laughing at the same time. What on earth was he hoping to get from doing that? I'm still laughing about it as I write this.
I start thinking as I make the rest of my way home about other similar encounters that I've had… One evening I was walking down the street to a friend's place and came along the path of two men walking in the opposite direction, as are paths began to cross they separated to let me through, then as are paths were crossing they both leaned in and got really close to me; the first one puckered his lips and kissed the air in my direction. The other said, "I love you mommie." Really!? I love you mommie and air kisses? I wonder did they plan this as I was walking toward them down the street; or was this an instantaneous reaction to crossing my path?
I'm an attractive girl, but lets face it I'm no Jessica Alba or Gisele; so what on earth possesses men to make such gestures. What kind of reaction is it that they are looking for? If they were really interested they wouldn't be so disrespectful. Maybe, I'm not meant to understand.
I know we all have funny encounters like this so please share.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
